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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26175841">If I Could Just Be Where You Are</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justagaybean/pseuds/Justagaybean'>Justagaybean</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Justagaybean’s TsukkiYama Week 2020 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A lot of book references, Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Alternate Universe - Retail, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Basically it’s 5 years after they graduated from High School, Book References, Fluff, Getting Together, Harry Potter References, Kissing, M/M, Making Up, Post-Canon, Pride and Prejudice References, Romeo and Juliet References, They haven’t talked since then, Yamaguchi owns a bookstore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:13:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26175841</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justagaybean/pseuds/Justagaybean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been 5 years since Yamaguchi and Tsukishima last spoke.</p>
<p>Yamaguchi did everything to make sure that Tsukishima wouldn’t be able to find him. He’s miles away from their hometown. He owns a bookstore. He lives in blissful ignorance, trying to forget that their friendship, his stupid love for that stupid boy, ever happened.</p>
<p>But what happens if Tsukishima arrives in their town, in his bookstore, wanting to apologize and make up? Should Yamaguchi forgive him?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Justagaybean’s TsukkiYama Week 2020 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889785</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>TsukkiYama Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If I Could Just Be Where You Are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightswordsdance/gifts">midnightswordsdance</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a prompt that a friend gave me, and we’re both on AO3! Her user is midnightswordsdance please read her stuff, she’s awesome, she writes SEVENTEEN stuff if you’re interested!</p>
<p>She also does not know my user, and she’s been trying to figure it out for literally two months, so if she reads this, hi. Please don’t judge me, this is less angsty then I would’ve liked, but thank you for the prompt. It was really helpful! You’re an awesome person!! You still owe me a hug btw istg I will hold that against you until I get one. I’m baking you SO many brownies once quarantine is over. I miss you tons!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Tadashi Yamaguchi isn’t an extremely confident person.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was definitely more confident than he used to be - eleven-year-old him would be happy to see where he is now - but his confidence still isn’t the greatest. He wondered if it would ever be great. Nothing could stop him from the small day-to-day stressors he gets, from the fears he has, or how his immediate reaction to his ex-best friend from five years ago - showing up in </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>town, and in </span>
  <em>
    <span>his bookstore</span>
  </em>
  <span> - is to hide the back of said bookstore, which he bought after university.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How did he even find me?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thought to himself miserably, curling up behind a pile of boxes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was this just a coincidence, or did he actually try to find me?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi didn’t even bother to try and calculate the odds of Kei Tsukishima wandering upon his bookstore in a small town miles away from where they grew up. He scrunched himself up a little smaller. He wished the walls weren’t so thin. He could hear his assistant’s pen scratching away, the sounds of footsteps, someone dropping a book. He winced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he could stay here until he had to close up. Tsukishima would surely give up soon and go away. He would pay his workers extra. Just anything, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything,</span>
  </em>
  <span> to keep him from having to talk to Tsukishima face to face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The more minutes that he spends sitting on the ground, the more irritated he gets. The two of them had been the closest of friends for years upon happy years. They went to the same elementary school and middle school and high school. They had supported each other and stayed at each other’s side. They played volleyball together, they studied together, they did everything with each other. It was his freshman year of high school when Yamaguchi began to develop a crush on Tsukishima. Why not? He was cool. He was funny. He pretended to be an asshole but Yamaguchi knew better, and underneath was a dinosaur nerd who loved strawberry shortcake and sweet things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was soon afterward that Yamaguchi realized it wasn’t a crush. He was falling in love with this beautiful boy. Yamaguchi loved everything about him. How he would slip his headphones over Yamaguchi’s ears without asking, just to see his reaction to a song. How he fiddled with his fingers when he was nervous but didn’t want to show it. How he would purse his lips when he cleaned his glasses. How he pretended he didn’t care about volleyball but was really passionate about it. How he would rub circles of comfort into Yamaguchi’s back and talk to him in a slow, low tone when Yamaguchi was having a panic attack. They knew each other through and through. And Yamaguchi was in hopeless, pathetic love with him. And it only grew over the years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the end of senior year, they had both been accepted into the same universities, but that was the closest they’d gotten. Yamaguchi chose one school. Tsukishima chose another. That was fine. They’d stay friends. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’ll keep in touch,</span>
  </em>
  <span> they promised each other. Yamaguchi’s heart almost broke when they got their letters, but he’d been accepted into his dream school. He wasn’t giving that up for some stupid unrequited love.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The day after graduation, after all the photos had been taken and the relatives went home, the two of them had gone to the park together. Sat on a bench. Tsukishima offered him his headphones. Yamaguchi had shaken his head, no. Tsukishima tucked them around his neck, and the two sat in silence for several long moments</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the silence seemed to have stretched on for miles, Yamaguchi spoke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He asked Tsukishima what he thought of the future.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima didn’t want to answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi hardly remembered how the conversation grew into a full out argument. Insults had been thrown, accusations, and feelings. His anger had bubbled and blown up. He had never seen Tsukishima yell that loud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pushed the memories away, irritated. Why was he the one hiding? Why was he the one scared? He should go out there and pretend. Pretend nothing happened. Say something. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, Tsukishima. How’ve you been?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Slap a grin on his face. Avoid questions. See how he liked the taste of his own medicine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was busy rehearsing his greeting when the clicking of boots could be heard through the wall, Yamaguchi paused for a moment to listen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me,” a polite voice asked, and Yamaguchi recognized it in an instant. It sounded low, smooth and yet sharp at the same time, a voice that could insult a person before you could blink, could come up with a comeback and an argument in an instant. “Does Tadashi Yamaguchi work here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, he’s in the back. Want me to get him for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
  <span> His assistant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His assistant opened the door to the back room and leaned in. He was a tiny short boy, with bright red hair that reminded him of his old high school friend, but with the anxious personality of another. “Tadashi? Someone’s out here for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi’s anger spiked faster than it did that fateful day in the park.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what? I give up.” He struggled to stand, maneuvering his way over piles of books and boxes. “Stay back here. I’ll handle him.” His assistant jumped out of the way as he stormed out of the back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There, in front of him, Kei Tsukishima, the man who he had fallen in love with all those years ago. He barely registered how he looked before feeling red-hot anger rush through him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yamaguchi...” the man said softly, but Yamaguchi shook his head violently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Get out.” He stabbed a finger at the door, but Tsukishima ignored it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Typical.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tadashi, please, I just want to talk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kei Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi enunciated each word, slowly. “Get the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of my store.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima huffed. “Yamaguchi. I haven’t seen you in five years, after an argument we had that I barely even remember—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi scoffed. “The fact that you barely remember just shows how fucking much our friendship mattered to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yamaguchi—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get. The fuck. Out.” Yamaguchi said slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima smirked, and a flood of memories came back. Days spent teasing and making light fun of his friends. Days spent going to McDonald’s and bakeries and delis, spending way too much allowance on fries and cake. Days of volleyball practice and summer days and time, so much time, spent with this boy in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you,” this boy said, and turned to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi managed to keep his face of pure rage on just for him to leave the shop, then turned to collapse into the stool behind the counter, feeling like he had just run a marathon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr. Tadashi?” Another one of his workers asked, inching up behind him. “Are you alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi managed a small smile, and he straightened up, brushing the front of his shirt down as if brushing away his outburst. “I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima came back the next day, and Yamaguchi stared at him for a full minute, glaring. He looked even taller than before. His hair was longer and swept into a more well-kept hairstyle than the short cut that he wore throughout high school. Yamaguchi wondered how many more confessions he’d get back then if he had that hairstyle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he said, in that smooth voice of his. Yamaguchi hated it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you to get out.” Yamaguchi crossed his arms. He rarely slipped into his ‘captain voice’ nowadays - his friends used to call it ‘the Disapproving Captain Mom Tone’ - but he was desperate. Desperate to get this man out of here. Desperate to go back to normal. Desperate to forget that he was ever here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we talk?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk to you, Tsukishima. Get out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima slipped his hands into his pockets. “I’ll be back,” he said, and swiveled around to stroll over to the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Save your breath,” Yamaguchi called after him, a sharp glare on his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima turned to grin at him. “I won’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next day, Tsukishima brought coffee. He placed a paper cup with a plastic lid on the counter near Yamaguchi’s hand. Steam rose from it. The smell of freshly roasted beans filled the air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No sugar. Or cream. I’m expecting that your taste buds haven’t changed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi glared at the disposable cup that was on his counter. He hated how well Tsukishima knew him. It would be so much easier to hate him if they hadn’t ever been so close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you’re pissed off. Can you please, please, just let me talk?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head. “No. You should’ve done that years ago, Tsukishima. Not now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m trying to fix things, Yamaguchi, I was stubborn and stupid—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ever wonder if that was the reason I left?” Yamaguchi snapped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima fell silent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave,” Yamaguchi ordered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi threw the coffee out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He came back the next day, and once again placed a cup of black coffee on the counter. This time, Yamaguchi ignored both him and the coffee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘Dashi. I’m just going to keep on coming back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi’s lips formed a tight line. He forgot that Tsukishima used to call him that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Dashi.</span>
  </em>
  <span> How, once upon a time, Yamaguchi’s heart skipped a beat every time he heard the nickname. He stared harder at the paperwork that was laid on his desk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He brought coffee again, this time bringing a paper cup of his own. He placed one on the counter. “Hey,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi glanced at the cup in Tsukishima’s hand. “Exactly how many packets of sugar did you put in that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi glared. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Three.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head and turned away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few days later, Yamaguchi was shelving a few books, walking through the shelves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima walked down to meet him in the classics aisle. He leaned against the shelf. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi had gotten used to the sight of him hanging around the store. He had come by every single day around six, a few hours before Yamaguchi would close up, stick around for a while, and leave, which left Yamaguchi wondering what he did the rest of the day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I realize now that I probably should not be bringing you a hot drink in the midst of all these books.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi glanced at him, just for a second, but it succeeded in making Tsukishima’s face quirk up into that stupid smirk of his. Jerk. He turned away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After several moments of silence, Tsukishima turned his attention to the books that line the shelves. He runs his finger over Jane Austen shelf, pausing on one book in particular. He pulled it out and traced the cover. An old book. People prefer the newer copies.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi waited for him to ask for the two of them to talk, for him to be able to explain. Yamaguchi prepared to ignore him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I never really understood the appeal of Mr. Darcy,” he said instead, in a cool, loose tone that didn’t match the statement at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi, momentarily forgetting that he was trying to ignore him, turned to him, his mouth open, about to jump into the reclusive yet elegant mystery of Mr. Darcy and his changed nature and devotion to love, when he remembered why Tsukishima was here in the first place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Damn.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Years of debates and playful arguments have stuck with him for years. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima caught the look in his eyes, and the corner of his mouth quirked up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time since Tsukishima started swinging by the bookstore every day, Yamaguchi started the conversation. He was scanning a couple of books into the database when the tall man walked in, the chime of the door jingling cheerfully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi set his scanner down and glared. “Mr. Darcy’s appeal lies in the idea that he changes his arrogant behavior because of his love for Elizabeth, and his devotion to prove himself to her as well as becoming properly humbled is admirable.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima sat on a stool and </span>
  <em>
    <span>smirked, this fucking bastard, he insults him and then s m i r k s.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “You just needed so badly to respond to that, you actually talked to me,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi gaped at him, too astounded that he didn’t even bother to apologize for insulting the great Mr. Darcy. He smirked. The bitch smirked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need a book recommendation,” he told Yamaguchi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stared at him instead and handed him the nearest book, not even looking at the cover. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima was back the next day and sat in the same stool that he did yesterday.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve read this already, but I reread it last night,” he informed Yamaguchi, who is placing an order on his computer. Yamaguchi glanced at him and raised an eyebrow at him. Tsukishima seemed to take this as an invitation to keep on talking. “I think that they’re both blindly in love with other. Romeo got over Rosaline so quickly and Juliet is innocent and together they are in stupid naive teenage love that resulted in rash decisions and their death.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stupid, naive, teenage love,” Yamaguchi repeated, arching his eyebrow even higher.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”Romeo is an overly dramatic whiny teenage boy and Juliette has never experienced love before then. They make stupid decisions. They’re stupid. Their relationship shouldn’t be held as a perfect romantic example to millions of people who have read this play.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi opened his mouth but shut it quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi crossed his arms and stared at Tsukishima. It was a week later. He’s come by every single day. “Okay. Harry Potter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The series or the character?” Tsukishima asks, sounding almost bored.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“J.K. Rowling has gone off the deep end. So not the series. The character.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s an idiot.” Tsukishima crossed his arms as well, raising his eyebrows as if to challenge him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ron.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Also an idiot. Hermione deserves better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi threw his hands up. “Neville.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“People only like him because he gets hot in the movies.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dumbledore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Basically forced a kid to blindly follow his plans to eventually die.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ginny.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s fine. Bland, but cool, I guess. In the books at least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god. Draco.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima scoffed. “Blond. An asshole. Reminds me of myself, so I hate him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi’s eyes softened slightly. Tsukishima looked at him, and they stared at each other for a moment, before looking away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First of all,” Yamaguchi threatened. “If you insult Draco Malfoy or yourself by extension, I’m throwing you out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima smiles smugly at him. He has kept up his pattern. It’s been over three weeks, and he’s come by every day. “How come you haven’t done that before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi ignored this. “Also. Neville could’ve been the chosen one—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A fact that they neglected to mention in the movies. Along with his parents.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“—so please give him respect in my bookstore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I somewhat respect your opinion of Ginny. She isn’t, however, a character mainly meant to be Harry’s love interest. She’s not bland. She dates people. She’s cool. I like her. Please don’t insult her in my general vicinity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She doesn’t have much of a personality.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She does. Now shut up, Tsukishima, while I’m talking.” Tsukishima grinned at him. “Romeo and Juliet’s relationship is romantic and sweet to see what the two will do for love, despite them making stupid decisions to get there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So you admit that they were stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Their decisions were stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And by extension, they were stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tsukki, I swear to God,” Yamaguchi threatened. Instead of being properly threatened, however, Tsukishima’s face jumped into a bright smile. Not a smirk. An honest-to-goodness smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You called me Tsukki,” he said happily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stared at the beam that lit up his face. It’s brighter than when he played volleyball. Brighter than the time they went to the museum to see the new dinosaur exhibit. Brighter than when he eats strawberries. It’s contagious. Yamaguchi felt his face betray him as the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima smiled even bigger, if possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve missed this,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I have, too,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yamaguchi thought to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yamaguchi. Let’s get lunch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stared at Tsukishima.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon. Please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi frowned at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked your assistant. The red-haired one. You take an hour off for lunch, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi nodded slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please. Let’s get lunch.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yamaguchi. I’ve been coming here every day for three weeks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Four weeks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima groaned. “How much longer am I going to do this until you agree to talk with me about what happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stared at him some more. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How much longer? I thought he would give up, sooner or later.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima is oblivious to the thoughts jumping their way around Yamaguchi’s brain, and he runs a hand through his stupid pretty hair. “Fuck, Tadashi. I’ve missed you. So much. I was an idiot. Worse than Harry or Ron or Romeo. Can we please just get lunch together?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi felt himself speaking in spite of himself. “Fine. Tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima grinned, one that looks as if he just won nationals or blocked one of the world’s top spikers. It lights up his entire face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tomorrow. I’ll come by at one,” he says, his entire demeanor screaming a triumphant win.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he walked briskly out the door, Yamaguchi wondered if he'd just made a huge mistake or an excellent decision.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
  
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this place?” Yamaguchi asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima looked at him, surprised. “You’ve never been here before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head. They’re in a tiny cafe, one that was mere blocks away from Yamaguchi’s bookstore. They sat by a sunny window, ordered coffee, and Yamaguchi took a sip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well?” He asked as he set the cup down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did you leave so suddenly? Without saying goodbye?” Tsukishima asks bluntly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi glares at him. “None of your business.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You left. Barely one knew where you lived anymore, and the ones that did refused to tell me. I knew which university you went to, I knew how much you wanted to go there, but whenever I went to ask where you were they told me that was private information.” Tsukishima took a sip of his coffee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait. You went looking for me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima looked at him with an expression of mild annoyance. “Of course I did,” he answered, looking almost offended. “We’d been friends for over a decade. You think I’d just forget all of those years?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kind of, yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima’s face fell into a look of pure offense. “You thought that low of me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shrugged. “I was mad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you still mad?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shrugged again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you even remember what our argument was about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked you about the future.” Yamaguchi took another sip of his coffee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what did I say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi blinked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s dark outside when he and Tsukki take a walk in the park together the day after graduation. They have ice cold strawberry sodas from the vending machines that he’s holding in one hand. They sit on the bench, together, and silence fills the air in between them like liquid. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you ever think about the future?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yamaguchi knows he does. A future with Tsukki. An apartment with plants lining the windowsills. Flowers on the table with a tablecloth draped over it. A cat bathing in sunlight. And Tsukki, Tsukki, Tsukki.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tsukki scowls. “It’s stupid to think about that kind of stuff,” he mumbles.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yamaguchi nudges his side. “Not stupid. Smart.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tsukishima shrugs. He’s not in a good mood, Yamaguchi notes. He’s being sour. Yamaguchi pries his soda open and takes a sip. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I think about it a lot.” Yamaguchi fiddles with the can. “It’s going to be weird to be without you, Tsukki. I’ve always been by your side.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi scowled. “You said it was stupid to think about that kind of stuff.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tsukishima feels fear flood throughout his body. It’s not you who’s been by my side. He thinks desperately. I’ve been by yours. I applied to Karasuno to be with you, despite my brother. I applied to all the same colleges as you, hoping I could stay by your side. We got into the same ones. But that’s the farthest we got. I can’t stop you from going to your dream school. I would’ve followed you there, but it wasn’t the place for me. I wanted to share a dorm with you. I wanted to stay with you. I wanted to buy an apartment with you and be by your side. Forever.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m scared of a future that’s not with you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I wish I could say how much I’ve always loved you. Every freckle on your face. Every smile you send my way. Every laugh. Every time you’ve done your serve. Every time you talked to me about constellations, every book you’ve ever read. I love how you tease me and I love how you share your strawberries with me and how you only eat the soft floppy fries. I love you, I love you, I love you—</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ll be fine without me,” he says instead. It’s true. Yamaguchi is better than him, better without him, he’ll grow to be the best and leave me behind. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said you’d be fine without me. And it’s true, isn’t it? You’re better off without me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yamaguchi feels himself bristling at the comment. “But we’ve always been together. I’m going to miss you.” Is he not going to respond?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m going to miss you too. But if I stay with you I’ll hold you back. If I follow you, you’ll wait for me. If I chase you you’ll let yourself be caught. I can’t do that. I’m scared of a future with you because that means you are holding yourself back to be with me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m scared I won’t be enough.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re going your way, I’m going mine.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“So is that it?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Leave me behind so you can go forward.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘You’re going your way, I’m going mine.’ That’s what you said to me.” Yamaguchi glared at the blond man sitting across from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’ve been friends forever, Tsukki. Is that all you’re going to say? We’re going to University in the fall.” Yamaguchi feels his heart breaking. Years of being in love with this boy were all for nothing.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why does it matter? We’ll probably lose touch, no matter how much I promise not to.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What makes you say that? What makes you think that we can’t?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s the point?” Tsukishima asked softly, staring at the sky.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yamaguchi turned to him with a look of disgust. “The point? The fucking point? I don’t know, maybe over a decade of being each other’s best friends?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Even so, what makes you think that we’ll stay that way? I’ll only ever see you a couple times a year. We’re both going to be busy. We’ll meet new people.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“So you’re not even going to try?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You have to be realistic, Tadashi.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Realistic?” Yamaguchi stands. “It’s like we’re fifteen again. Do you have no motivation to try and stay in touch?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s not that!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Then what is it? Tell me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He doesn’t respond.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re an asshole, Tsukishima.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And he turns to leave his best friend behind, never looking back.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t even make an effort to stay in touch. Stay friends. What was that about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima was silent for a moment. “I had reasons,” he answered slowly. “But—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No buts. I want answers. If I didn’t leave without saying goodbye, would you have tried, at all, to stay friends?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima’s face wore a look of insecurity and discomfort, and he shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stood. “You haven’t changed one bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima stood as well, discomfort changed into pure panic. “Wait—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Yamaguchi’s heart exploded the emotions he had bottled up for too long. His heartbreak. His fury. His insecurities.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was in love with you, Tsukishima!” Yamaguchi threw his hands into the air. “For years! I wanted a future with you! But that night, you tore it all up. I was heartbroken, so I left.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima gaped at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you not even going to respond?” Yamaguchi snapped. “Will I have to leave you without answers one more time?” He struggled to pull his jacket on in his haste. “Don’t bother to try and come back again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He expected silence and unanswered questions and no responses from the boy who stood in front of him. “Goodbye, Tsukishima—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was in love with you, too,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stared at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the fuck?” He asked slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was in love with you.” Tsukishima repeated. “Obsessed with you. You were the only person I had ever loved.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So why the hell did you say all of that stuff that night? I asked you about the future—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you deserved a future without me,” Tsukishima finished.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You. Deserved. Better.” Tsukishima stated. “I was scared you’d hold yourself back. I could tell you hesitated, when we got our letters. You actually considered turning down an opportunity of a lifetime.” Tsukishima shook his head, choking out a harsh, derisive laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I didn’t!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How many more opportunities would come up in the future?” Tsukishima demanded. “How many would you think of turning down? How many would you actually turn down?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was Yamaguchi’s turn to stay silent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to think of a future without you. But I didn’t want you to live in a future where you’d slow yourself down to wait for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That,” Yamaguchi said angrily. “Is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you. I was scared. An idiot. Naive. Madly in love. I’m the Modern Romeo,” Tsukishima droned, with a lazy flourish of his arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head, feeling tears prick at his eyes. He blinked a few times. Tsukishima let his arm drop to his lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you, Dashi,” he said softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you too, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi swiped at his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why’re you crying?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just - frustrated, I guess. I was mad at you for so long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Five years.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I just feel stupid. We could’ve been together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima cleared his throat. “Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head. “Ugh. Okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you here, anyway?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got a job here. The local museum, plus there’s a pretty good volleyball team. Someone told me about your bookstore about two months ago, so I came here to find you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait.” Yamaguchi interrupted. “You changed your job to follow me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” he said, as if it was a natural reaction to chase your best friend across the country to apologize for something that happened years ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi shook his head. “You confuse me to no end, Tsukki.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima grinned again. “So we’re good?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Friends again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima exhaled. “Friends. Again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s later in the day. Yamaguchi collapsed into a chair in the tiny house he had a short walk away from the bookstore. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What a day</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thinks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After their talk, the two had walked back to the bookstore, filling each in on what had happened in years missed. Nothing had happened much to Yamaguchi. Tsukishima had stories, stories of work and volleyball and his family. His work at the museum, the projects he had. His eyes still lit up when he talked about dinosaurs. About the volleyball team in the next town over, how he had joined easily after college. About college and his majors and roommates and classes. About Akiteru and Saeko and his mother, who had retired and was living a quiet life, albeit with several dogs. About their old high school friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Normally, Yamaguchi would be the one chattering away with stories. About the stray cats he had seen. The book he had read recently. A funny thing that had happened that he wouldn’t be able to retell without giggling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, he watched Tsukki, and how his eyes were bright and his face slid into easy smiles that used to be so hard for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had missed Tsukki. He had missed his snarky comments and his dorky obsessions. He had missed the years they missed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Missed opportunities were the worst.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He loved Tsukishima with all his heart. He thought he didn’t love him back, but he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He groaned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“TADASHI!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi jolted awake. He blinked a few times, feeling like he was surrounded by a drowsy haze. </span>
  <em>
    <span>When did I fall asleep?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He searched for his phone, finding it under a stack of papers, and turned it on. He squints at the too-bright light, his eyes unfocused. It’s past midnight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Someone was banging on his door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked, bleary-eyed and half-asleep, but he shuffled toward his door and opened it. It was raining outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima Kei was standing outside his door in the pouring rain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He frowned and stepped outside. “Tsukki?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tadashi,” Tsukishima was panting, out of breath, his ears red. “I don’t want to be friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi stared at him. “Excuse me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still in love with you, Yamaguchi. I have been for years. Even during the past five years. I’m obsessed with you, Yamaguchi Tadashi, I chased you across the country just to say this, and—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yamaguchi felt a rush of an overwhelming sense of yearning adoration for the blond boy in front of him. He jumped outside, into the pouring rain, into the arms of this beautiful boy that was the object of his love and affection for so many years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he pressed his lips to his, crushing his mouth against Tsukishima’s, his hands combing through soaking wet blond hair. Tsukishima’s hands are around his body, and he was kissing him back fiercely with an eager passion that Yamaguchi has never seen before. Tsukishima’s hands traveled up, one on his shoulder and one on his neck, pulling his face closer to his. Their lips were chapped, their faces slick with rainwater, their eyes closed. Tsukishima’s mouth was gentle, yet demanding, his lips parted and so did Yamaguchi’s as he pressed his body against his. They separated for a moment, gasping for air, then Yamaguchi pulled his face down, desperate and wanting more. Tsukishima responded with an almost burning hunger, pulling his body close to his. Their fingers comb through soaked hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima is his addiction. Yamaguchi is his religion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s over all too soon, and they stare at each other, breathless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry it took me so long,” this beautiful boy told him, and Yamaguchi silenced him, pressing his lips to his again in a quick kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tsukki, shut up,” he told him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima laughed, a full laugh, filled to the brim with joy. “Sorry, ‘Dashi,” he said. His laughter is euphoric and Yamaguchi feels himself beam, awestruck and jubilant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Kei Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi told him, the boy he’s loved for nearly two decades.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tsukishima looked at him with a soft tenderness, at the only boy he’s ever loved, or ever will love. “I love you too, Tadashi Yamaguchi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And they went inside, a start to a new future. Together.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Day 7 is done!</p>
<p>“A friends/lovers au where person a and person b were best friends but had a huge fight at the end of their senior year in high school and person a never spoke to him again. Person b never stopped looking for him and eventually found him five years later while on a road trip running a tiny bookstore in the middle of nowhere. Person a is still kinda salty and is like “gtfo” and person b is like “no”. They fight some more but then person a eventually goes like “bruh I left because I was in love with you and you didn’t love me back” and then person b is like “bruh I thought you left because you figured out I liked you” and then they live happily ever after. Lots of sad pining and angst where person b reflects on how he fell in love with person a and how he felt during the five years apart. Also, lots of fun book references because they’re in a bookstore I dunno” -my amazing beta reader, July 24, 2020 (yes I did scroll back in our texts to find the exact date)</p>
<p>Thank you all for making it through the week with me! You all are amazing. This took a month and a half of planning, writing, revising, and editing, and honestly I’m glad it’s over. Maybe a little sad, but mostly relief! I hope you all enjoyed it.</p>
<p>(Forgive me for making Tsukishima insult Mr. Darcy. I’m so sorry.)</p>
<p>And thank you to my amazing beta reader, midnightswordsdance!!!!! This day is dedicated to her because she’s been absolutely amazing throughout all of this, she’s edited and revised, she’s given me prompts for two seperate days, and she’s answered my endless texts about god knows what. She’s amazing and she’s an incredible writer, please please please go check her stuff out.</p>
<p>I have a tumblr at just-a-gay-bean! If you liked this, please kudo and comment! Thank you so much for reading! Have a great day and stay safe out there!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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